Coming Home
by Little-Known-Artist
Summary: A drabble that follows Inuyasha through few months after first child's birth, and how he makes himself comfortable with the idea of being a father, and making his home as comfortable as possible for his newborn daughter. Alone.
1. Coming Home

Coming Home

It wasn't fair.

It wasn't supposed to be like this.

 _Her_ life wasn't supposed to **end** like this. _Her_ life wasn't supposed to **start** like this. His life wasn't supposed to be like this.

"Mama, can we see her?" Asked one of the brunette twins as they gazed up at their mother with the new baby. Sango cleaned the side of the infant's mouth where milk had dribbled out and glanced over at the baby's father.

"Is it alright, Inuyasha?"

Inuyasha's eyes lifted vaguely from where he had been staring at the wall. His gaze traveled over the form of his friend, and settled on the baby girl she held. He grunted, pushing off his knee and coming to stand. Sango sighed when the hanyou man crossed the room, staring down at her and speaking softly, absently.

"Is she done?"

Sango nodded as the new father stooped before her and she gently handed the newborn up to him. She shushed the girls' whining as the man crossed the room to sit back against the wall, staring down at his daughter as he cradled her to his chest. His beautiful baby girl. His only girl.

* * *

He knew that a human woman could die giving birth, and that's why he stayed by her side when Kaede urged him out of the room. She was being so quiet throughout the day—he had heard Sango from halfway across the village during her deliveries. He could tell though, when she panted after every contraction that this wasn't one of those lucky, easy births he wished would happen. When she finally sobbed after a set of contractions, he let her squeeze his hand for the next. When he could hear her teeth grinding together, he offered her his arm to bite into. The red cloth wouldn't tear, and the flesh of his arm wouldn't damage her teeth.

Then finally—finally, the baby was shrieking and Kagome's pain was over. A baby girl! They had a baby girl! The baby was placed on Kagome's chest, and the new mother regarded the infant with a weak smile and a hand on her back. She had his ears, and a wild mess of black hair that had to come from her mother. Inuyasha was so happy. He glanced to Sango, beaming, and the mother of five smiled back at him as she washed her hands beside the elderly woman.

When he looked back to Kagome, her eyes were closed. Her hand dropped away from the infant's back.

"Kagome?"

His hand held her cheek.

"Kagome?"

His hand fell to the pulse in her neck.

"Kagome?"

It all got fuzzy from there. Sango pushed him aside and thrust the flailing newborn into his chest. Her hands were pressing down on the center of Kagome's chest. Pressing. Easing off. Pressing. Easing off. Why was she doing such a thing to his wife?

"Kagome?"

He made no move to stop Sango. He couldn't move. He held his baby and sat there watching on as his mind slowed to a crawl.

"Kagome?"

* * *

Sango was the only one that could help him. Her own baby was still nursing, and she took to the hanyou's infant immediately. She wouldn't survive without mother's milk. He had heard the milk wouldn't be right for a newborn. Sango's little boy was a few months older, but what could he do? It didn't matter so long as she stayed healthy, right?

But it did matter. It should be Kagome nursing their little girl, not Sango. Sango shouldn't have to nurse her friend's baby in addition to her own. That was a lot to handle, but Inuyasha had no other choice.

"You forget that I nursed twins, Inuyasha. This isn't hard on me at all," his friend would tell him. And his daughter seemed to be getting enough. She was gaining weight. She seemed to be getting all the proper nutrients, too. Her eyes were bright—that warm amber color that looked so much like his own—and she was so smart. He set her on her back the other day, and took his eyes off her for two seconds. When he looked back, she was resting on her belly with her little chest held off the blanket by her arms. His baby was—

Izayoi. He had to get in the habit of calling her that. He and Kagome had disagreed on the name, Kagome wanted to name their first daughter after his mother, and he didn't feel right about that. _Hanae, Michi, Akane,_ weren't those beautiful names? It was the husband's job to name the children, wasn't it? He should decide what to name the baby.

They argued up until the day she went into labor, and he had almost won…but…when their daughter was born…without Kagome left to argue her side…he gave the child her name. Izayoi.

She was six days old when he stumbled back into Sango's house. He was dirty and worn, and he hadn't slept in those six days, but finally he had had enough of avoiding it. He had a child. If she couldn't have a mother, she shouldn't be without her father.

"Izayoi," he said softly. It was the first words he had spoken since he bloodied his knuckles on one too many tree trunks. When Miroku helped him out of his filthy clothes and into a sleeping robe, Sango placed the baby in his arms and he just stared at her.

She was so quiet. So much different from when he had seen her six days ago. Her color was more even, her hair was dry, soft, and sticking up in random directions. He realized how much he had missed when he had left her behind.

He was such a fool. Why the hell had he run away? Why was he still running from every problem he couldn't solve with brute force, like—like some scared little boy! He wasn't a boy anymore. He had…he had responsibilities here. He had someone…he had a very tiny, delicate someone who needed him. It was well past time to man up and now…he was a father. He had to be there for his little girl.

* * *

"Sango…" He started hesitantly.

"I'm…taking Izayoi out."

He wondered the forest for some time, not really going in any particular direction, but he…he found himself…it was a small house, hidden in a grove of trees. Before he knew what had come over him, he shoved the sliding door aside, and peered into the darkness of the one room hut.

Kagome had her back to him, reading out of the worn pages of her notebook as she brought down the herbs she needed. She slowly turned her head and greeted him with a smile. 'How was your trip?' She asked. 'Did you remember the cloth I wanted?' Of course he had. It was the only thing she asked him to get. She crossed the room and threw her arms around him when he nodded. He kissed her and she giggled when his hand slid down to her thigh. 'None of that. I've got to be down at Kaede's in fifteen minutes.' He chuckled. It was a two minute run if she rode his back. He could work with that.

The baby whimpered, her nose twitching from the new smells. He could understand that. He had never much liked the scent of herbs either. He stroked her back.

"What d'ya think kiddo?"

A timely sneeze answered his question. Inuyasha scoffed. Everything was untouched from the day Izayoi was born. The futon was folded among some pillows in the center of the room, the wood stacked high against the back wall, the yukata Sango had set up to dry…Inuyasha paused on that. That was what Kagome had gone into labor wearing. When his wife's water had broken, Inuyasha stripped her out of it, in favor of her kosode. When Sango had rushed in, she was annoyed to see it wadded in a pile. She went out to wash it before the stains could set it…stains on a yukata…it seems like such a trivial matter, but both women had been concerned about it at the time.

He pet down the baby's soft hair, fingertips lingering on the fuzzy black ears.

"Yeah, well I liked it. It was a helluva lot better than sleeping in trees." Though as he looked about the room, he noticed the dust that had settled into the house. Dust on the floors, Kagome's shelves, the very yukata she had been so worried about staining. Nothing was sacred to the dirt that settled about the room. Inuyasha had avoided coming back here for so long because he was afraid it would bring up bad memories…and it did, but there were so, so many good memories as well.

One of the floorboards was discolored. That was where he had knocked over the tea when he was startled by Kagome's scream the first time she saw a mouse inside. That scratch in the wall was from his claws when and Kagome made love against it. That dent was where she had thrown the cup at him—admittedly scary when they both realized how violent the action was. That awkward extra hole in the wall was from where he had to bring the pot rack down when he realized Kagome was too short to reach.

This place with so many memories of him and Kagome, three years' worth of them. It was their home, after all. It should be his daughter's home, too.

* * *

He couldn't keep his eyes off his daughter as he ran out with the furniture. She seemed to be ahead of the curve from other babies her age. He might turn his back for a second, and she'd learn to crawl away from the blanket he'd laid her on. He could leave her with Sango and Miroku, yes, but that would mean he had to be separated from her, and he didn't want that for a second.

He laid the musty futon over the garden fence—the garden had gone to hell, he'd have to spend an entire day weeding to see if any of the vegetables were salvageable. He pulled the rag down from his nose and mouth, smiling at little Izayoi.

"How you doin' baby girl?" She kicked her legs and laughed at the sound of her papa's voice. He crouched down and presented her with a colorful little mouse toy.

"Look what I found? Your mama made this for you, do you like it?" He dangled the little toy in front of her, and the baby followed the movement. Then she reached one chubby little arm out for it. He let her take it before he ran back into the house to get started on the floors. He glanced out the open door every chance he could. He didn't want to leave her unattended, but he also didn't want to have her breathing in all this dust he was stirring up. He could barely handle it, and he had a rag over his nose.

He took her back to Sango to nurse, then strapped her back to his chest and started getting on top of the laundry. Even the clean items smelled musty and he wouldn't be happy until that smell was gone. While the laundry was hanging to dry, Inuyasha put up with his baby's crying, and his own watery eyes as he ran the last of Kagome's herbs down to Kaede. They wouldn't be useful in a house with someone who knew jack shit about medicines—they would only stink up the place.

If he was going to raise his daughter here, he wanted the house as comfortable as possible to live in. He would make a new home out of his old one.

* * *

...

* * *

Don't ask me what possessed me to write think, I don't know.


	2. Impossible

**Impossible**

The noble demon might have made a comment about Inuyasha's current position from the ground, having found his rightful place, but he wasn't in the mood.

"Sesshomaru," the hanyou pleaded, "Tenseiga…" he swallowed down the lump in his throat. The imp was about to speak up, but his lord shifted and he bit his tongue.

"She died in childbirth then?" Inuyasha's claws dug deeper into the earth for his answer.

"You have to bring her back. You have to use it to bring her back." The moment of silence stretched much longer than Inuyasha anticipated. He merely expected a quick 'no.' He had a rebuttal planned for the 'no' but his thoughts were becoming jumbled as the moment stretched on.

"This is impossible," Sesshomaru finally said.

"Dammit Sesshomaru. You know I don't beg, I'm begging you!" His words were becoming muffled as he bowed lower.

"Our daughter was born! She's a baby, she needs her mother. It's not just me who needs Kagome back!" His argument fell to pieces when he realized Sesshomaru wouldn't care for one with even less demonic blood than Inuyasha. Inuyasha knew he had some weird soft spot for kids, but he also hated the human taint in their father's bloodline.

"It is impossible," he repeated, simply. He slowly turned away from the bowing hanyou. Inuyasha bared his teeth at Sesshomaru's back and struck out to grab hold of one of his brother's trailing sleeves. Another clawed hand caught his wrist instead.

"You are _not_ deaf. A soul can be recalled only once by Tenseiga."

Inuyasha's rage ebbed for a second as confusion swam in his brain.

"I know that. I know I can only ask you for this one time."

The ghost of an expression—curiosity—held the demon's features as he slowly released his brother's wrist.

"I have already brought her soul back once. I cannot do it again."

"What?!" Inuyasha's face twisted in a mixture of bafflement and disbelief. Then rage returned to him.

"You lying bastard."

"Why would m'lord waste effort lying to you?" Jaken piped up.

"He lied to me about my mother!" He raged. It was a lie. When had Inuyasha ever left Kagome alone with this fool for her to need saving anyway. He didn't trust the fool for a second. He had tried to kill Kagome on several occasions, and Inuyasha knew he would never let her around Sesshomaru while in his right mind.

"You don't recall." Sesshomaru's voice was even as he took a step back.

"Inside Naraku's body, you allowed yourself to be possessed," he said without so much as a blink, "You attacked her."

"No!" Inuyasha roared, standing to his full height. His claws dug into his palms.

"I pushed her away. I got her away from me!"

"And she fell. You know as well as I how fragile humans are."

* * *

He killed her! He had killed Kagome. He had…No that wasn't right. Why the hell would Sesshomaru save her the first time around anyway? Why?

A flock of crows fled the tree as it fell. A broken figure slumped against the split stump, holding cracked, bloodied knuckles to their chest. The swearing, wailing, and screaming had quieted to sobbing.

Why did he have to want a baby? Why did he have to get Kagome pregnant? He knew it could kill her. Should have kept his hands to himself, lied to her about when her body was ready for a child. He had so many chances to keep her alive, and he had failed. He had failed her.

He had killed her twice.

* * *

He was given so many opportunities in life, and he always managed to fuck things up. All the girls he had a bond with, he failed. He could have stolen that medicine for his mother. He could have killed Naraku when he was still Onigumo. He could have killed him sooner. He could have fought off the possession better. He could have found some way to get Kagome away without pushing her off a cliff. He could have gone childless. He could have…

Childless?

He picked himself up from where he lay in his debris field. He had failed to keep his mother, Kikyo, and his wife alive. Those three women…

But he had a new girl in his life. A little girl whom he all but abandoned.

He raced to find her. His little girl, his baby.

* * *

Miroku leapt up at the rush of demonic aura that swept over the house before the source of it was standing, panting and filthy, in his doorway. The pair of golden eyes set into dark sockets looked beyond the monk to his wife. No, not his wife. To the infant she laid on a blanket beside her. Inuyasha's mouth opened and closed. He swallowed a lump in his throat and opened it once more, reaching out a hand towards the half asleep infant.

"Izayoi," he said, barely above a whisper.

"Inuyasha?" The monk asked.

"Izayoi. Her name. Izayoi." That's what Kagome wanted her named. Her mother's last wish was to name her that, and so it would be.

Inuyasha took a step towards his baby, only to be blocked by his friend.

"Inuyasha," she said calmly, aware of the fact his mind was running slowly from lack of sleep and the dark place his mind was still living.

"I know you want to hold her, but you're filthy. It could make her sick." Inuyasha looked down at himself and took a deep breath as Miroku lead him away to wash his hands and change into the monk's sleeping robe. When they returned, the hanyou immediately locked his gaze onto the tiny baby his friend carefully picked up and brought to him. He stared down into his baby's face as he got her head settled in the crook of his elbow. Golden wide set eyes, curious twitching nose, folded fuzzy ears, thick hair, even a faint widow's peak. Except the hair color and rounded nails, this infant looked everything like him…and nothing like her mother.

* * *

...

* * *

More drabbles from my Single Dad au to come. I tend to write more emotionally straining pieces at three am for no conceivable reason.

This addition is mainly for those of you asking where Sesshomaru was. Going off the unlikely theory that Sesshy was like, " _oh I think this dead person lying at the bottom of this fleshy cliff belongs to my half-brother. I think I've met them a few times too... Ah what the hell, this sword doesn't get much use otherwise_ "


	3. I Can't be Both

**I Can't be Both**

Sango was not pleased to be woken up so late at night, but the baby was screaming.

The hanyou looked to her with pleading, tired eyes, and for the first time, Sango saw how much these past few months had worn on him.

"She just won't stop crying, I don't know what's wrong with her." He was desperate. His voice was trembling he was so distraught.

Not a word more needed to be said. Sango took the baby and tried her own methods of soothing. The crying became less stricken, but it was another half hour spent leaning against her garden fence before Sango could take a breath, and take her eyes off the infant. She almost wished she hadn't.

Inuyasha was bent so far forward his chin was nearly to his legs, and his face was buried into his hands.

"Inuyasha." She didn't think he would hear her, but he popped bis head up at the sound of his name, and looked at Sango. Not only at the little girl, as she had become so accustomed to. He sent what almost seemed like a smile her way as her quietly spoke.

"I'm glad she'll be gettin' a little sleep, at least."

His voice was so hollow, despite the chuckle he tried to force into it. His eyes matched. Hollow and worn. As if all the progress he had made in the last five months had been erased by one sleepless night staying up with a fussy baby. Sango couldn't look at him. Her eyes drifted down to the baby girl she held.

She pet her head gently, as Sango saw the baby's father let his head drop back down. She traced the edge of her tiny folded ears and was startled by the baby squirming but not waking. She did that again, as gently as possible, and noticed one of Izayoi's ears felt…swollen…

With a gentle examination…

"Inuyasha, she's got an ear infection." The father's whole body jerked to attention at that. His eyes scanned over the face of his sleeping daughter realising only now that she must have been in pain the entire time, and he couldn't even figure that out.

"An infection? What? How?"

"Have you been wetting her head when you bathe her?"

"Of course I have!" He hissed defensively. "I know how to bathe a baby."

"No, you can't do that. Now with her ears."

"What are you talking about? She's got the same ears as me. I don't get ear infections just from baths."

Sango put a finger to her lips to shush him.

"Her ears aren't like yours though. Yours are upright, hers are still folded over, so water can get trapped in there."

His eyes were wide, and Sango could almost swear she saw crinkles at the edges. As of he had aged ten years in the course of five months. His head dropped and he stared at gis hands.

"I'm not cut out for this," he declared suddenly. Sango let out a sharp puff of air.

"Inuyasha, don't you do this. You're a first-time fath-"

"I'm a half-assed father. I can't even. God, she would know better." If She were around she would know how to care for their child. She would have the common sense to dry out the baby's ears. If he weren't a shit father, his daughter wouldn't be in pain because of his negligence.

"Inuyasha," Sango said, dipping her head into his line of sight. He shook his head.

"You don't gotta lie to me. Look, maybe a screw-up dad wouldn't be so big of and issue if I had…she would have made a great mother and you know it. She would compensate for my sorry ass, but I'm... Maybe I would make a halfway decent dad, but I can't be both for her. I just ain't cut out to be her dad and her mom."

Sango's lips pressed into a thin line.

"So then what are you saying, hm?"

Inuyasha's ears lowered in shame.

"I'm saying the kid deserves better than me." She deserves a mother. Kagome.

"She deserves her father, and you're the only one she's got," she said, pursing her lips, "so you have to stop feeling sorry for yourself and buck up." His eyes shot up to meet her severe gaze. She shook her head at him as she spoke the next words.

"You weren't the only person who mourned her loss you know." Her voice was just above a whisper. Inuyasha looked back to his baby as Sango blinked back the shine in her eyes. He swallowed the lump in his throat, as he watched her tiny chest move, and her listened to her quick little heart thrum in her chest. She was so…so…alive. So small, so vulnerable, but alive nonetheless. He took a deep breath and stroked her pudgy cheek with a knuckle.

"What should I do?"

Sango smiled softly at the young father.

"In the morning, see if Kaede has anything for an ear infection, then take her home and try to nurse it as best you can, but Inuyasha..?" His eyes lifted from the infant his friend held.

"I'm here for you. You're not alone."

He nodded slowly.

"You should let me have her for the night, you look like you need sleep."

Inuyasha looked back in the direction of the forest. His ears flicked and he looked back to his friend.

"I won't get any sleep back there. Not…by myself in an empty house." Sango had known it since he first staggered back to them, but it was the first time the conscious thought crossed her mind. Inuyasha needed Izayoi. He needed that little girl almost as much as she neede her fathet. He always had difficulty sleeping without his wife around in the three years they spent in marriage, and the three years before that…and he needed this child to hold onto some hope for his future, to insure his life had purpose…one day, Izayoi would grow up and leave home. Inuyasha would have to let her go, but for now, if he needed to have her close, keep vigil over her, know that she was safe, for his own comfort, then so be it.  
Sango told Inuyasha to stay the night, and if the baby woke, she or Miroku would tend to her.

Inuyasha accepted that offer, following his friend inside and curling onto his side on her floor, where he could still see the baby should he open his eyes.

* * *

...

* * *

Life will always have ups and downs. The healing process is full of ups and downs, twists and turns, setbacks and resurgences, and I like to write emotional things at three am.


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